Can anyone solve this?

If a piece of cake is 8000 feet tall and the titanic is driving at it at 1999 miles per hour, how many seconds did it take for the moon to crash into the sun, if the earth is in between them heading toward the moon at 1500000000 mile an hour and a mouse dressed up like a knight stopped lord Voldemort from killing Mario after Mario killed Voldemort's best friend, the pied piper. Plus you have to remember that if Judge Judy killed the muffin man at 12:00, the moon will swerve to the right at 1500000000000000 miles per second and will hit the earth at 8:00, causing m destruction in1/3 of the world’s continents. How will Oprah save the day? If Oprah can not save the day, then write a statement why Obama is a fat freak presidential candidate. And a 15 page essay about why the Loch Ness monster is to fat to fit into the millennium falcon and eat the piece of cheese that is stuck in Barney’s ear.